


The Dark Shade of Love

by StarScreamLoki



Series: Dark memories [1]
Category: Loki - Fandom, Loki MCU, Marvel
Genre: F/M, Hurt Loki (Marvel), Hurt/Comfort, Loki Does What He Wants, Loki Feels, Loki x Reader - Freeform, Pre Thor (2012), Rejection, Revenge, Treason
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-06-03
Updated: 2018-06-03
Packaged: 2019-05-17 15:35:23
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 4,854
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14835033
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/StarScreamLoki/pseuds/StarScreamLoki
Summary: A while ago I wrote a post about what I think what happened to Loki between Thor and The Avengers (can be read here). In one of his memories he is rejected by formal lovers and a story came to mind. This story takes place when they were younger, long before the first movie of Thor and is about that rejection.





	1. Chapter 1

His emerald green and golden robes flying in his back sweep, and with a happy grin on his face Loki strode through the halls of Asgard. He wore his finest clothing, his raven black, neck-long hair carefully styled and a giddiness in his step. Today was a special day!

Today was the day he met her a month ago. Nothing worth mentioning for sure since they lived for 5000 years, but nonetheless it was something that made Loki feel happy and that made it worth. To him it was a special day because she was the first one who hadn’t rejected him within the first minutes of a conversation. She was the one who liked his mischievous tricks, his magic. She just… She was the one.

He had a hard time from refraining himself not to giggle like a little boy, but he was smitten about this woman. In the last couple of days she had been around often in the halls of Asgard and they had spent quite some time together. He remembered the first time he’d taken her on a tour through the halls and Loki smiled even wider. She’d loved it, all the gold, the grandeur. Everything. And him!

Today he would take her for a walk through the forest and the mountains, and afterwards they would share a lovely meal. The weather was beautiful today, not to cold, not to warm, and the sky was clear enough to see the planets.

Loki was informed that she already had arrived, a little bit earlier than they had agreed on and he had to hurry. He would’ve been on time if it had not been for him picking up flowers. Not just some flowers, golden roses, really hard to get by and he had to go through great lengths to get them. But he had them and she would love them. He would meet her and with his magic he would summon them from thin air; she would love that!

 

As he entered the room where she should be waiting he stopped behind a broad pilar which held the enormous golden roof alof. He needed a second to breath, to wipe the boyish grin of his face. He looked down and with his hands he smoothed out his fine clothing. This day would be perfect!

As he was about to step away behind the pilar, he heard a familiar laugh; Thor. Of course his brother would be around, it was only logical that he was there to greet her before Loki would arrive. The gentlemen. But a umnious feeling loomed in Loki’s stomach and instead of stepping away behind the column, he decided to stay put a little while longer and listen to their conversation.

 

“I don’t understand how you put up with all his tricks”, Loki heard her say.

“Well, I’ve lived with him for centuries, and centuries more to come. You’ll get used to it”, Loki heard Thor say to her.

“I just don’t get it, neither do I like it”, she said to Thor.

Loki’s happy smile vanished from his face and a little sadness came to his eyes. She had told him she liked his magic, his tricks, but apparently not. He summoned the golden roses from thin air in his hand and looked at them. A little conflict erupted in his mind, because if she didn’t like his magic, would she ever truly like him? He pushed the thought away. He would never give up on his magic for her, for anyone, but he could surely use it less, if that is what she wanted.

But the ominous feeling in his stomach had turned into a little black pit and he wanted to know what more they had to say. Carefully he peeked around the pillar and saw her and Thor sitting on the luxurious couch. Nothing out of the ordinary except for the fact that they were sitting really close to each other, nearly in each others arms. Loki felt a slight pang of pain in his heart.

 

“What if I don’t want to get used to it”, she said while she inched closer to Thor, running her fingers playfully over his chest.

“What do you mean”, Thor asked a little bewildered but with a genuine interest in his voice.

“Thor, please. Are we going to keep up this dance between you and me?”

Thor grinned sheepishly. “Did you ever cared about my brother?”

She hesitated to answer but spoke anyway. “No. I never really liked him, I just figured that if I would stick around for a while by his side I’ll eventually meet you”, and she inched closer to Thor.

Loki couldn’t believe what he was hearing and seeing. A profound sadness crossed his face and the black pit in his stomach filled itself with a burning rage.

“So all you ever wanted was me?” Thor said a little bit too happy, followed by a snicker.

“Yes”, she said as she inched ever more so closely with her face to Thor’s.

 

Just as her lips almost touched Thor’s, Loki stepped away behind the column.

“Is that so”, he tried to say as cold as he could; but the hurt shimmered through it. The golden roses in his hands had turned black and the anger had seeped through to his heart.

They both jumped up from the couch, startled.

“Loki, I...” she stammered meeting his eyes and quickly looking to the floor.

Loki was actually lost for words and looked at his brother.

Thor laughed, “oh brother, are you that blind? Did you really thought…”

Loki never let Thor finish his sentence and with a blast of green magic he send Thor flying through the room; the roses in his hands turned to ashes. Anger and hurt crossed Loki’s face and with a last look at her he turned on his heel to walk away. He knew enough, he didn’t need this, didn’t want this. It was better to just walk away.

“Loki wait!” she said.

Loki stood with his back to her, his eyes brimmed with tears. He wanted to walk away, but he also wanted to give her a chance to explain. As he turned around he pushed the tears away and with a cold stare he looked her in the eye.

“I… I never... “ she stammered under Loki’s cold glare.

“You what?” Loki said mockingly.

“I never wanted to hurt you”, she blurted and broke eye contact and looked to the floor again.

“You betrayed me. You only wanted to see me so you could get to Thor.” Tears brimmed his eyes again. “And you are sorry? You never wanted to hurt me? I may be mischievous, but I’m not a fool!” Loki said through gritted teeth, almost choking on the words. She didn’t look up, she didn’t answer.

“YOU USED ME!” he screamed, releasing the rage that he had been holding back and he took an angry step towards her. 

Thor had gotten up and placed himself between them. “No brother”, he said low with a threat in his voice. She looked up again, anger in her eyes as well.

Loki looked Thor angrily in the eye but he knew he couldn't win. It was over and for the second time he turned on his heel, but this time he walked away. 

As he left the room he heard the words she screamed after him. He heard the words that took out another chip of his heart. The words felt like a hot dagger splicing his skin, and once again confirming so much aspects of his life.

 

“You’ll never be like Thor.” 


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I never intended to write a part 2 on this story when I wrote part 1 (hell, I wasn’t even planning on a part 3 but the story still isn’t finished), but some of the readers were crying out for a happy ending. I’m usually not the type of writer who writes happy endings or stories (especially when I’m feeling low), but I’ll try to make a turn of events in this story to give it a somewhat more… satisfying ending. Still, it’s dark and broody, so you are warned.

Loki angrily walked through the halls of Asgard on his way to his chambers. Her words still lingered in the air around him, stabbing him like a hot knife.

_ “You’ll never be like Thor.”  _

How could she? She had lied to him! Normally he would be impressed if someone was able to lie to him, but this was different. She had stepped on his heart and had betrayed him! She had violated his trust and abused the situation to get to Thor. That filthy witch! Being mischievous was one thing, but to shatter somebody’s heart like that was something else entirely. And Loki could’ve lived with her dumping him, if it hadn’t been like this. If her intend from the start hadn’t been to get to Thor! 

Thor! How could he! His brother, his family, somebody who he trusted and loved despite their differences. It once more proved his incompetence to become a king and for the millionth time Loki was pushed in his shadow again.

Loki wasn't sure who he was more cross with; her or his brother. 

 

Lost in his anger and pain Loki hadn't realized he had been standing before his door to his chambers for quite some time.

The event had put him so much of balance that he even hadn't noticed; something that had never happened before. Anger made way for a burning, black and all consuming rage. 

He opened the door and stepped into his chambers. With all the force he could muster, enhanced by his magic, he slammed the door shut behind him. It was a good thing the door had been reinforced centuries ago because he always slammed the door behind him when he was angry or upset. 

The first time he used his magic to slam the door, it had shattered to pieces, alarming the guards who came running to him because they thought their prince was in danger. The poor guard who had been the first one to step into Loki's chambers to see if he was alright had gotten Loki's full rage poured over him. Loki had never seen him again in the halls of Asgard.

 

Loki slumped to the floor, his back against the door, his head hanging low. If he could just shut his feelings down...

From thin air he produced a single golden rose. He had saved that one so he could give it to her when they were walking through the forest, or during dinner, whichever moment would've felt like the best moment to give it to her. 

The burning rage finally started to diminish the longer he stared at the rose. 

 

From the corner of his eye Loki saw the air shimmer and Frigga appeared as a magical projection of herself. She looked at him with genuine concern. 

“My son, what gotten to you that makes you hang your head so low?” she asked warmly.

Loki gritted his teeth. He loved his mother very much, and she always had words of wisdom and comforted him when he was upset, but this time he was very reluctant to tell her what had happened. He didn't want to tell her what happened because he felt foolish for feeling this way. He felt stupid for his failure to not be able to see the truth earlier.

Loki just looked at his mother without answering, the hurt in his eyes making place for an indifferent stare.

The projection of his mother came closer to Loki and she kneeled besides him.

“Don't make me drag this out of you, Loki”, she said calmly. 

Sharply Loki looked away from his mother, not wanting to look her in the eye. From the corner of his eye he saw she was moving her hand towards his face and Loki jumped up, looking at her like she was poison. At that point he realized his mistake, the door opened and Frigga entered his chamber, her projection fading. Loki swallowed. He wasn't afraid of her, not at all, and he knew she held nothing but love for him. But he also knew who had taught him all his magic and Frigga was powerful enough to look into someone's memory even when she was a magical projection.

 

“Loki, talk to me or I can not help you”, she said, still calm but with a slight threat in her voice only a mother can do. 

Loki knew all too well that if he didn't spill what happened, or at least some clue, he soon would be wrapped in her magic and his mother would rummage through his mind to get her answer. She had only done that once to him, and to Thor, and since then she only had to imply that she would be seeking through their minds, and her children would start talking before she ever would get close. It was a very mean and violating way of getting answers, and she hated to use it, but Frigga also knew how very stubborn both of her children could be.

Angry and somewhat defeated Loki looked at the floor and barely hearable uttered the words “she betrayed me”.

Frigga didn't need any more context for she had seen the woman walking through the halls of Asgard by Loki's side. And even a blind man could've seen that Loki had been smitten about her. Frigga’s stern visor cracked and the hurt was readable on her face. 

“My son”, she said and walked to him. This time Loki didn't step away and let his mother wrap him in a hug.

“Always remember, you are loved and your time will come”, she said to him. 

Loki pulled away from her hug and nodded, still looking at the floor. 

“I…”, Loki started, but he couldn’t phantom what to say. This was his pain and he didn’t want to burden his mother with it any more; the hurt and sorrow were already clear on her face. And he just simply did not want to talk about it. Not now and probably never.

“I just want to be alone”, he said with a sigh, not looking up. Frigga nodded understandably and without another word she left his chambers, closing the door softly behind her. 

 

Loki stood there in the middle of the room, his emotions a hurricane in his heart and body, not sure what to do. He was still looking down and only now noticed the golden rose in his hand which he apparently was still holding.

He brought the rose up in front of his face, then a sudden idea sprang to mind. He removed the rose from the stem and worked his magic on the golden rose. Soon he was holding a thin golden plate which perfectly fitted on his garment right under his collar bone on his chest. 

He walked to a mirror and fitted the piece on his garment and looked at it with satisfaction.

From this moment forward he vowed to himself he would be very careful to ever let someone get this close to him again and being able to hurt him like she did. He also vowed that he never should give up his magic for anyone, whatever the reason. 

And the golden plate on his collar bone would forever be a solid reminder at that vow. 

 

But what Loki didn't knew or felt at that point was that the golden plate was also a reminder to Thor's betrayal. And a little bit of trust towards his brother died with his vows, forever trapped in the golden plate.


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The last part of this story and I've really enjoyed writing this! As I'm looking back upon this last part I'm internally laughing malicious. I've not played nice and didn't make Loki a sweet boy but actually very cruel. What can I say? I just like to write dark and broody stuff, and I think it makes the ending of this story even more satisfying than a truly happy (and sweet) ending.

A couple of days had passed since Loki had his heart broken for the first time. The sadness and pain had washed away, and a constant state of vigilantly and anger had taken its place. She was still around in the halls of Asgard, his brother not bothering to cover up the fact that she was his now, and more than once Loki had crossed her path. 

Every time he saw her the rage fired up again but he mustered to remain distant on the outside, not showing his true colors. 

He wouldn't say a word as they passed each other, he would just give her the a cold and deadly glare and briskly walk away. 

 

Loki was striding through the halls on his way to the dining room. He was late, but that wouldn't matter because his entrance would be more dramatically. And he loved it when he was the center of attention. 

He pushed open the doors to the dining room, a big grin spread wide across his face, but after two steps he stopped dead in his tracks as he saw who were seated at the table.

Of course Odin, at the head of the table and Loki's mother right next to him at the length of the table. Across from his mother was Thor, a sheepish grin plastered on his face. But the chair next to Thor, the one where Loki was supposed to take place, as always, was already taken. By her! 

The grin evaporated from Loki's face. The only empty chair, the one for him, was next to his mother. He didn't mind dining next to his mother, but it also meant he had to sit across her!

Briefly Loki considered leaving again and just eating in his chambers, alone, but a defiant feeling of pride overtook him. He wouldn't let that witch get between him and his dinner, if he gave in now he soon wouldn't be able to set foot anywhere anymore because of her. And she was definitely not worth it.

With an arrogant look on his face, and pride in his steps, Loki walked to the empty chair and seated himself.

Immediately something to drink was pourn into his glass by one of the servants.

“Father. Mother. Brother.” Loki acknowledged them each with a nod and he picked up his glass and took a sip while pointedly looking her in the eye but never acknowledging her presence.

Unsure she averted her eyes and looked at Thor for help.

“Come now brother”, Thor said a little to mirthful.

With a bang Loki put down the glass and he could feel his mother tense next to him.

Loki looked at Thor and smiled an evil grin. “What?” Loki said challenging to Thor. 

Before his brother could speak, plates with food were being put in front of them by the servants, the challenge dying in the air, but the tension remained.

“So”, Odin said while pushing some food on his fork and looking at Thor, “how did you two meet?”

Frigga glanced at her husband, a firm warning clear in her eyes. But Odin didn't look at his wife and he took a bite while in expectation of the answer.

Loki gritted his teeth, barely able to avoid coughing while half choking on his food. He looked at Thor and the evil smile was back on his face. “Yes, tell me brother, how DID you two meet?” 

Now it was Thor's turn to look awkward, but he recovered quickly. “Our paths crossed in the halls of Asgard, father. Or better said, in the common room”, Thor said with pride.

Frigga sighed. She knew this dinner wouldn't be nice and soon somebody would be screaming.

Loki looked from his brother to her and fixed her with a cold stare as he spoke. “Father, could you tell me again? The sentence for betrayal, is death if I'm not mistaken. Or did it depend on the type and degree of betrayal, and would being locked up in the dungeons suffice as well?

“Loki!” his mother berated him.

“What? I'm merely taken interest in what the proper causes of action would be in aforementioned situation”, Loki said innocent, but with an intended sting in his voice, and he looked at Odin.

Thor jumped up, slamming with his fists on the table while doing so, rattling the silverware. Slowly Loki turned his head to look at his brother. A twinkle in his eyes and a malicious smile on his face, almost resembling a snake which was ready to attack its prey and knew he had it cornered.

“If you can't handle the fact that she chose me over you. If you're gonna keep up this attitude little brother, then I would suggest you just leave the table”, Thor said through gritted teeth.

That remark was low and Loki felt stung, but it only fueled his anger. He wasn't ready to give up, yet. 

“And how does milady feel about this since she is the topic of this conversation, whether she knows it or not, brother”, accentuating the last word and Loki looked defiantly at her.

She cleared her throat, “well, I… Uh…”.

“Still lost for words, I see”, Loki stated a matter of factly. 

“Enough!” Odin said loudly, making one of the guards jump at his sudden outburst. “Thor, sit down. Loki, know your place!” he berated both of his children.

With a sour look on his face Thor did as he was told but Loki on the other hand was far from done. While sipping his drink with one hand, he made a gesture with his other hand, using his magic. Within mere seconds the food on Thor's and her plate changed. Long, thin, white worms writhed over their plates. Thor just sighed angrily, not taken aback as expected. But her reaction on the other hand was priceless as she let out a short, high pitched, scream and jumped out of her chair away from the table. Thor immediately got up and was by her side to comfort her and Loki just grinned.

Odin slammed his fist on the table and everyone in the room went silent. Loki knew he was in trouble, albeit it be minor, but Odin wasn't pleased with his little trick.

“LOKI!” he barked and Loki's smile vanished from his face. “Get rid of those things, NOW”, he said with a threat in his voice.

With a smooth flick of his hand Loki used his magic to remove the worms, leaving the plates empty. 

“If you can not behave yourself at this table, than I don't want you at it”, Odin said angrily.

“They deserved it”, Loki muttered.

“No, they did not. I don't know what has befallen afore this dinner, but a prince of Asgard is not to behave like that in decent company”, Odin berated him. 

Loki scoffed.

“Out. Now.”, Odin commanded. “You are no longer allowed at this table before you can keep your mischief to yourself and behave like a prince. Think about that and while doing so. If only you were more like Thor we’d maybe have had a nice dinner.”

That set Loki of and the anger took over. This time it was his time to jump up from his chair, tipping it over and crashing it to the floor, but he didn't slam the table because that action would be beneath him.

“Give me one good reason why I should be more like Thor!” Loki screamed at Odin. “If I'm not good enough, not now, not ever, then just say so and I'll be off”. The intense wave of anger and emotions brought tears to Loki's eyes and he bared his teeth. “Give me one good reason”, he hissed.

“I have already said enough. It wouldn't be wise for you to ignore my command, Loki”, Odin sad coldly.

Loki let out a short, low, growling scream and angrily looked at Thor and then to her. He briskly turned around and stormed out of the dining room, slamming the doors as he left.

 

The next day Loki was walking through the halls of Asgard. As he turned a corner, she was walking towards him from the other end of the hallway.

For a short second her pass faltered but she defiantly kept walking on, apparently not giving in.

Loki put a scowl on his face, and as they passed he suddenly grabbed her and slammed her against the wall. 

“You little witch”, he hissed through his teeth.

“LOKI! Let her go”, Thor screamed from the far end of the hall. Loki wondered at that moment if his brother had just arrived, or had been there the entire time, but it didn't matter.

Roughly, with a shove, he let her go and turned to look at Thor. It was clear in his brothers eyes that Loki was on thin ice and that he wouldn't need a lot of motivation to hurt Loki.

With a grunt Loki turned back to her, startling her, but he left it with that. Dramatically Loki stepped back and walked away. 

 

In the next couple of days they sometimes crossed paths, Thor always by her side, protecting her from Loki's wrath - which was basically just sadistic mischief from Loki's point of view. 

Until one day Thor was send away by Odin on some sort of mission, Loki couldn't care less where to, or why. But now with Thor out of the way, she no longer was under his protection and Loki mused what he would do.

He was still angry and hurt, and he hadn't dined with his family for days, refusing to apologize for anything to anyone.

Loki actually wasn't sure what do. He couldn't possibly kill her, he would be thrown in the dungeons for that. And it would be beneath him and she wasn't worth it! 

He considered trapping her in an illusion where she would live through her worst nightmares, but that didn't feel right either. And on top of that, it wouldn't make her go away. 

He wanted her to go away. Out! Out of the halls of Asgard. Out of his eyes, his life. Just gone so he could pretend everything never happened, that she didn't existed.

A plan formed in his mind and a wicked smile found a way to his lips.

 

Loki threw open the door to Thor's chambers and threateningly walked in.

She was there and let out a little scream. Loki threateningly advanced towards her and she kept backing away until she hit the wall, nowhere to go. 

Loki slowly circled her, like a lion stalking its prey, a fire burning in his eyes. 

“My big brother isn't here to protect you now, witch!” he hissed between his teeth.

Fear was clear in her eyes and Loki stalked closer to her until their noses almost touched. She started to squeal and tears formed in her eyes.

“Please”, she begged. “Don't… Don’t hurt me.” 

Loki bared his teeth. “Why shouldn't I? You've had no problem with hurting me, so it would only be fair to hurt you back”, he threatened. 

“No, I never…”

Loki slammed the wall right next to her face, silencing her. “DON'T YOU SAY YOU NEVER MEANT TO HURT ME!” he angrily barked. “If your intentions were to never hurt me than you wouldn't have done what you did!”

Tears streamed down her face while she was shaking with fear. 

“Than what was I supposed to do?” she asked while looking at the ground. 

Loki was taken aback by the question. Couldn't she just see that the answer was just so plain and simple? That she wouldn't have made this entire mess if she had just done what everybody else always did? 

“You could've just asked”, Loki stated cold and calmly. He took a step back to give her some room to breathe. 

Astonished she looked up. “Just asked? And you wouldn't have gotten mad that I would take an interest in your brother instead of you?”

For a second doubt crossed Loki's face but he recovered quickly. He produced a dagger and with one step closed in on her again, the tip of the dagger at her throat. “Maybe I should just kill you for your rash action!” and Loki leaned in closer, the dagger almost scratching her skin. She squealed again and started to whimper. 

“LOKI!!!”

From the door opening Thor charged at him, but Loki deftly stepped aside and missed him. 

Loki quickly turned and bolted for the door, out into the hallway. Thor chased him out of the room, leaving her alone and terror-stricken. 

 

After a couple of minutes Thor came walking back into the room, but instead of walking towards her to comfort her, he stayed in the doorway. 

“Your brother is mad”, she said between sobs.

“But he is still my brother”, he stated a matter of factly. 

“What do you mean?” she asked with a quiver in her voice.

“It means that this can no longer continue. Loki is my brother and you are tearing us apart. I can no longer - nor am I willing to - do this anymore. I think it's the best for all of us if you just leave”, and Thor stepped away from the door opening. 

“It's over? Just like that?” she asked in disbelief. “You are choosing your brother over me?” 

“I am”, Thor said coldly. 

Shock crossed her face and she huffed. Proudly she raised her head and with her shoulders squared she walked to the door opening. She gave Thor one last look, looking like she had some last word to say, but she didn't and stepped past him. 

Thor watched her go and when she was out of sight, he grabbed the door to shut it.

Upon making contact with the door, Thor faltered. 

Loki's illusion broke  and with a satisfying but wicked smile on his face, the door fell shut. 


End file.
